First let me start by
saying I have been certified in CPR by the American Red Cross every single year
since I was in the 9th grade.
So that is like ten years of experience.
However this June, it was time to renew my NARM certification and I had
all my trainings and continuing education up to date except for my CPR which
had ended in April. That left me no
choice but to sign up for a class here in the Philippines. It was going to last 3 days 8am to 5pm and I
was dreading it weeks before it started.
There were 14 of us in the class, all young college kids wanting to work
abroad with a million questions for me during our breaks. If the instructor was trying to be
intimidating she succeeded.
My days usually went something like this… “Crystal,
when would you not perform CPR on a person?”
I quickly respond, “When the scene is unsafe.” She yells, “NO! In that case you would move
the victim to a safe place.” I am thinking what if I get electrocuted,
fall off a mountain, or trapped in a burning car in the process but I
don’t defend myself instead I try to think of another reason. She asks again still glaring at me and I’m
wondering why she hasn’t moved on to another person in the room to interrogate. Finally exasperated she proclaims, “A first
aid provider would never perform CPR if the victim is decapitated!” I
feel the laughter starting deep in my liver about to spew out my mouth I
struggle to silence it in fear it may burst out through my eye sockets instead. It was going to be a struggle to keep the
instructor on my good side if I was unable to remain serious through something
as important as decapitation. We move on
to another question. I slumped into my
seat and pretended hard to have brown skin.
It was way too stressful trying to figure out exactly what she wanted as
an answer. I always got my “the” or “and”
in the wrong place since the answer needed to be precisely the wrong grammar as
hers. Right or wrong I would be
corrected. “What do you do after to
survey the scene and realize the patient is unconscious?... CRYSTAL!?”
Seriously she was already calling
on me again. Oh this was not fair to the
other people that needed to be learning this.
Oh wait I knew the answer. “You
call for help.” She glared at me like
she was angry and unsatisfied with my answer, “Who do you call?” Ghostbusters?
Well in the US
we call 911 but what was the number here?
“117? I’m honestly not sure what the number is here mam.” She informed
me that I was correct but that number only worked in other parts of the country
what did I do in Tabuk?” “Call an
ambulance? The police? Drive them to a
hospital yourself and hope a doctor is there?” I smile hoping some part of that was correct.
“How are you going to drive while performing CPR?” “Well mam I can’t I would need help but well
umm what’s the number to call?” She
calmly answered, “There is no emergency number to call in Tabuk… Here in Tabuk
… YOU DIE!” Well that was easy enough to remember.
Survey scene whether safe or not check victim if unconscious well what’s
the point in attempting CPR they are going to die! I’m still processing this when I hear my
name again. What this time? How long do I perform CPR? Yay I so knew this one! I confidently
answered, “Until trained healthcare providers arrive and tell you they will
take over, the patient becomes conscious again or you become completely
exhausted.” I exhaled proud of myself and smiled. She looked at me like I was an idiot and
states, “EIGHT MINUTES!” or eight minutes duh! Why had I made it so
complicated? Wait why eight minutes?
I put my hand in the air why the heck not I’d been humiliated enough at this
point…”So why do you only do CPR for eight minutes?” “Because after eight
minutes the person has probably suffered brain damage and you would not want to
revive him because why would anybody want to live with brain damage?” “But
probably means it may be likely it doesn’t mean DEFINITELY wouldn’t you want me to
keep doing CPR on you if there was a chance you MAY survive with no brain
damage?” She answered with a look that said you really are a flipping idiot
aren’t you? I slumped back into my chair
pretending to be brown again. So learning CPR was going to be quite
similar to learning to drive in this country… forget everything you have ever
been taught.
We had to take several exams that if you failed you failed
the course. Now half the questions were
like anatomy and physiology, the history of the Red Cross and well nothing
pertaining to CPR not to mention things covered in our books or in class. I will only share my favorite test question
with you.
How many times a day should a healthcare provider take a
bath?
A) every
other day B) twice a day C) three times a day D) at least four times a day
… hmm one time isn’t an option so
all of you are very unsanitary trying do CPR on people cause it needs to be two times
every day! (:
Now as if all that was not stressful enough it gets
worse. The last part was the actual
presentations where we had to do CPR and rescue breathing on adult, child and
infant. Now you had to go thru the whole
procedure which is very different from the US,
the counting was insanely confusing, it was all done back to back and
you were timed so each cycle had to be exactly two minutes. If you were 2 seconds off you were deducted
points but if it was more than 2 seconds you had to redo the whole thing… right
then! Now if you are already out of
breath from talking, explaining and breathing into the child and infant dummies
can you imagine screwing up rescue breathing on the adult and having to do it again. Wait wait I need my inhaler first… haha I
really thought it was impossible but I succeeded and somehow was the top scorer
in the class! You best believe I was so
proud of myself when I saw my scores.
Whoot Whoot! Top Scorer in CPR bootcamp! I was ready to take on the world… but
obviously not save it seeing as I’m in Tabuk and in Tabuk… you die!
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